Parenting Teens Is Challenging

We Call It 'Mom Activity'

It was a typical drive to school with my 15-year-old today. We started off pleasantly. Then I started running through my checklist of things he needs to get done. Trust me, this is NOT his favorite mom activity. He calls it "nagging." Therefore, it made him irritated. Yes, parenting teens is hard — and if you're in the thick of it, you already know that. This was really frustrating that he was pushing back about tracking down some clothes. Not to mention, we had ordered for his tennis team long ago. Now tennis is over, and he still hasn't picked up his order. He's thinking, "I wish she would stop nagging me!" Meanwhile, I'm thinking, "I wish he would just do what he is supposed to do!" And there we were, riding the carousel of frustration and irritation with each other. Finally, I realized I needed to get off this nagging carousel. I needed to hand the problem back to him. Duh. I teach Love & Logic and still ... for being a mom, I'm just an imperfect, human, (nagging) mom. Too bad teaching parenting classes don't come with mothering superpowers. Soon after, I realize the simple truth behind it. The more I focused on the problem rather than the solution, this unpleasant pattern would continue.

A Simple Strategy for Parenting Teens Without the Power Struggle

After weeks of nagging, I finally backed myself out of the loop with one simple "Enforceable Statement" that sounded like this: "At the beginning of next month, I will deduct the cost of this order from your allowance if you haven't picked it up yet." Did he thank me for my effective parenting? Hardly. Did he protest? Yep. When he did, I responded calmly — and playfully — with, "I have now freed you from having to listen to any more of my nagging about this topic. This is your lucky day!" The only reason I could have any sort of playfulness in my tone was that I was genuinely happy about it. Finally, I figured out how to hand the problem back to him. One of the biggest challenges of parenting teens is knowing when to step back — and this was my reminder. If you're navigating similar moments, you might find this post on parenting teens with an open-arms approach helpful too.