Kerry here! 😊
Walking through Hobby Lobby with my nine-day old baby in my arms, I was intent on getting supplies to make my dad a really cool sweatshirt for Father’s Day, which was just five weeks after my third son was born.
A woman in the store heard my baby’s little newborn sounds and questioned what I was doing out and about with such a young baby. I responded defensively, certain she didn’t understand how capable I was. Truth is, I had pneumonia that wasn’t healing, but the “Driver Voice” in me said that if I COULD do it, I should. I love my dad after all and wanted him to have this special gift on time.
Today, this picture of my dad and the sweatshirt popped up on my lock screen. I smiled at my cute dad, then I wilted a bit for that young mom who wasn’t practiced at being gentle with herself. She wasn’t allowed much time to BE. If my life was a movie, that concerned woman would’ve been today’s older, wiser version of me, time-traveling back with a message…
“Oh, honey… I see all that you do for your children. Yes, you are strong and capable and I celebrate that. But please, know that your DOING isn’t the only gift your children need. They need your BEING. Your PRESENCE. They need to know that THEY are precious not because of all they DO, but simply because of who they are – dear little souls bringing light to the world just by being here.
We are human beings, not human doings. Yet parenthood often focuses intensely on DOING – getting kids to do the thousand things we want them to do, celebrating when they do well in school and activities. While there’s necessary DOING in growing up, we can intentionally create space for BEING through both modeling and words.
Modeling: Let our kids see us do things simply for delight: working a puzzle, soaking in a tub, admiring clouds, sitting quietly with coffee, getting cozy at story time. By honoring our own joy in these little ways, they learn that healthy adults work self-care into their lives.
Words to Share:
- I love seeing you taking care of yourself in such a healthy way
- You are lovable no matter what grade you get
- How well you do in your soccer game doesn’t define who you are
- Having everyone like your presentation is not the source of your well-being
- How do you like to relax and just BE? (In a way that doesn’t involve phones)
- We’ve been doing a lot of DOING this week. What would be a fun way to just BE together tonight?
- Like the moon, you don’t have to shine every moment to be beautiful
Teaching our kids about the difference between DOING and BEING, and celebrating both, can be a gift to them and save them some therapy dollars down the road. 🙂
If you could time travel back to your younger self, what message would you deliver? If you don’t mind sharing, I’d love to hear!
