Want Less Sibling Bickering? Focus on Telling Your Kids What You Do Want
Imagine this: you’re at a restaurant, and when the waitress asks for your friend’s order, she replies, “I don’t want the burrito, I don’t want the tacos, and I don’t want the chimichanga.” How likely is she to get the meal she actually wants? Not very!
Yet, isn’t that what many of us parents do when dealing with sibling bickering? We get frustrated, maybe even yell, and say things like, “Stop arguing!” or “Don’t push your brother!” While it’s easy to say, these commands rarely seem to help much with the issue.
A more effective parenting approach can be to focus on telling our kids what we do want instead of what we don’t want. Imagine saying, “Please keep your hands to yourself and use kind words,” much like telling the waitress, “I’ll have the enchiladas, please.” Being clear about our expectations helps guide children toward positive behavior.
During long summer days, when siblings are around each other more than usual, being proactive rather than reactive can make a big difference. One strategy is to set a timer and encourage your kids to play nicely together until the timer goes off. If they manage this, reward them with something like a sticker on a chart, a star, or even a coin in a reward jar. After several rounds of cooperation, celebrate their good behavior with a fun activity, like a family ice cream outing or a movie night.
This approach creates more of what parents want (kids getting along) instead of constantly punishing the behavior we don’t want (fighting). By using positive reinforcement, we’re shaping the environment to encourage harmony among siblings, making parenting a bit more enjoyable for everyone.
