Palmer here!
I got a call yesterday that filled my heart with happiness 😊
It got me thinking about an often untapped super-ability parents can give their kids—or use themselves.
The call was from a 22-year-old coaching client I’ve had the privilege of working with for the past four years. He called because he’d been working toward a goal for a few weeks, and while he’d been doing great, last night he hit a rough patch. He started being pretty hard on himself and felt like throwing in the towel. He’s usually very capable of talking himself out of a funk, but he just couldn’t shake the self-criticism and doubt this time.
So when I got that call at 9:30 at night and he told me he was struggling and needed someone to hype him up and clear his head, I felt so impressed, proud, honored, and excited!
I was impressed because how many of us are really willing to reach out when we’re struggling? So often, we tell ourselves it’s not that big of a deal and that we’ll figure it out on our own. Of course, we want to be able to self-regulate and be our own voice of encouragement, but let’s be real—we shouldn’t expect ourselves to ALWAYS push through challenges alone. If borrowing someone else’s belief in us for a few minutes helps us get back on track, why not do it? Don’t let one tough moment derail you from your goals and the life you want. We’re built to be in relationships because of the strength that comes from connection.
I was proud because how cool is it for a 22-year-old guy to recognize that the voice of negativity was getting too loud—and decide to kick it to the curb by asking for help?
I was honored and excited because it’s the coolest thing in the world to watch people push themselves and take ownership of their lives. Whether it’s for one person or 1,000, getting to witness and encourage growth is a true honor.
So what I hope my takeaway for you is…
You, as a parent, have one of the toughest jobs on the planet. The reward isn’t some big paycheck or ceremony honoring the sacrifices you make—it’s getting to watch your kids grow up and (hopefully) see them do things they’re passionate about while giving you none of the credit you deserve. 😅
That means you’ll have to take it on the chin time and time again. When you feel like your resilience is wavering (it happens to everyone), I hope you have the courage to reach out to someone and borrow a few minutes of their belief in you—so you can better show up for yourself and your kids.
You’re also tasked with raising and shaping your kids. Whether kids come to their parents in times of need is greatly influenced by the narratives they build about their parents. If they think mom and dad will only try to “fix” them or tell them what they should do, they’re far less likely to seek help.
So for all of you wonderfully eager parents who want to bestow your wisdom on your kids: More often than not, kids don’t need more guidance on what they should do. What they really need is encouragement for the things they are doing. Even if it’s the smallest, most seemingly insignificant thing—like putting their dirty clothes in the hamper—acknowledge it. Say, “Awesome job getting all your clothes picked up. That’s so cool to see!” I know sometimes it feels like more is needed but if they don’t believe you will be there for them for the small little things, they likely won’t think you will be there for the big really tough things. Those little moments build trust, confidence, and a willingness to reach out when life gets tough.
If you ever need to borrow a few minutes from someone please reach out to them or one of us. We all need help sometimes and it can help us be better for our kids.
Always in your corner,
Kerry and Palmer:)
